He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
