well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
