You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
