Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it glows. i had to have it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
