if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
