This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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