no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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