I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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