Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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