i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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