She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
