We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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