If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
