there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
