Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
