a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The beer is more important than you right now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Are we still banned from the library?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
