dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
