Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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