We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Enjoy the penises
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
