Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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