no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
