Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
