She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
