Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it's like iHOP with fire
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
