Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
