I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
