a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
