Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
