Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have aggressive nipples.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
