Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize