he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
