need another drink. this is the easiest way
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
where are my eyebrows?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
