Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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