Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
