I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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