margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am naked and annoyed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
