Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
