Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
