3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
