After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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