i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
