Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
