Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
