He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
