If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
