Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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