Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
