remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
