We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
