I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
