8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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