Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize