I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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