Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
