Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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