I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
me + whiskey = a bad person
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
