HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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