Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
