dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
