Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize