Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
