At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
