um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
