Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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