So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I did not marry a roomba.
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