I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
