Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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