well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize