The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
