Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
