My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
