Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
