Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
