My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
