So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
