Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
