I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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