I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
