Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if only i could text you this smell
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
