the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
