the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
