i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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