just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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