He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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