HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize