I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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