It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
