i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm at about main and main street
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
