You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
