I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
