the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
