If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
