I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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