we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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