when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
