I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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