Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
