So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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