Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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