Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
this hospital has no fireball
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
