Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
