Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Two words: nipple clamps
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