I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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