Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
